I’ve taken many tests in my life. At one point in my life, I felt like a professional test taker. For years through college and graduate school I would study daily and take tests on tests. I thought once I got out of school and through my boards that tests would be just a memory. Little did I know that when I was distracted with book tests, God was preparing me for the real test that He had for me and for all of us really. While I had prayed and tried to stay near to God throughout my school days and classes, I was slowly drifting from His plan for me and drawing closer towards my own plans I had for myself.
Once I had gotten through school, I went straight into working. No time off. I was helping patients and being available to work at all times. It sadly filled me and the more I worked, the further I was from God and His plan for my life. I was so distracted that after six years of working, I was faced with the test that God was walking me towards. It all felt like it happened overnight, but as I look back I could see God walking me into all that He had for me. Even though my thoughts and my being had drifted away from Him, He never left me. I grew up with God, I knew better and I still failed. I had conformed to the pattern of this world and my mind was not set on God’s will, but my own.
Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is- his good, pleasing and perfect will. Romans 12:2
I knew better because I had walked through so much pain from my brother’s passing years prior to this, carried the heavy weight of grief from an early age and God’s presence never left me. I was broken before and God had renewed my mind and guarded my heart in my brokenness over and over. I knew He was with me because He revealed His power to me through my weakness. I had tangibly felt the power of God and heard the voice of God through my brokenness before. I knew better and somewhere along the way, little by little with every distraction the world threw at me, I became a weak carrier of the cross. When what looked like I had it all, the job that I wanted, the busy schedule that my younger self craved, I failed the test to seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness. (Matthew 6:33)
If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me. Luke 9:23
But the part I want you to read, hear and see is that even though I failed, God never left me. He walked me into the test, held me in it for the duration that He knew I needed and He picked me back up when I finally realised that in my failure to stay close to Him, He never gave up on me. Through all the distractions by this world and my own dreams that I had prayed for, I lost His way. And in my brokenness and failure, God revealed to me He is my strength and will always be my strength.
God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Psalm 46:1
I look back and I see how patient God was with me back then and it reminds me He is still patient with me today. He didn’t let me get snatched away from Him back then and He won’t now even though that’s what I deserve. He let me walk into the test and allowed me to fail so that my relationship with Him would be as strong as it is today. He knew every step, every tear, every lesson and every failure all along the way and He waited for me to understand as much as I possibly could that He is truly the way, and the truth and the life. ( John 14:6)
I give them eternal life, and they will never perish, and no one will snatch them our of my hand. John 10:28
We must die to our plans, our will, our busyness, all the distractions that this world throws at us because as soon as we do and get out of the way, the wind of heaven will blow. God doesn’t need us to partner with Him for His power to be felt or seen. God wants us to partner with Him and recognise it is His power that is within us that helps us in our weakness, so that the next test and valley we find ourselves in we will see Him interceding for us through it.
In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans. Romans 8:26
As soon as I was able to release my plans, God revealed what He had for me. Once I was able to leave the busyness that kept me away from Him, God took me on a journey I wasn’t even strong enough to pray for. By His strength He renewed my mind and revealed to me what He created me for and where my identity had always been, in Him.
Now if we are children, then we are heirs, heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory. Romans 8:17
The answer to any test that truly matters, is to Seek first God’s kingdom and His righteousness and all these things will be added to you as well. (Matthew 6:33) Seek God by studying His Word. Know his commandments and how He has called us to live and by doing so any trial or test that comes your way, you will succeed.
Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you. 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18
All glory to God.
