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We all have a numbered amount of days on this earth. From the day we are born to the day that God takes our physical body from this earth, our time is limited and only God knows each persons individual number. Our time here on earth will feel like a blip in time when we look at it from an eternal perspective. If you knew the amount of days you had left here on earth, how would life look differently for you? Would you work more? Would you spend more time with loved ones? Would you travel the world and see the beauty God has created here on earth? Would you serve more and help others know the truth about what really matters in this life we are currently living in and what happens after this life when our number is up? God created each and every one of us and He knows us even better than we know ourselves so thankfully He knows what we can handle and He knows what we can not.
” In Your book they were all written, the days fashioned for me.” Psalm 139:16
There is deep sense of peace knowing that God has us right where we are for the exact amount of days He has for us. And that number and the why has reasons far beyond our understanding. There is definitely protection in the unknown of not knowing when our time here will be up. Having faith through all of the unknowns in life and trusting that the right now is just the beginning of eternity allows us this unexplainable freedom of not needing to know that number. Living fully in the now with an eternal perspective helps keep us centered on God first and what He has created for us during our days that He allows us to be physically here. God keeps us ready for what only He knows we will walk through. What is hidden to us, is perfectly clear to Him. The valleys and the mountaintops, He sees it all. God is never limited and we aren’t supposed to understand it all, but we can trust knowing that He does. He day by day prepares us for what the days hold allowing us to live freely not needing to know all the details. What a gift that is and with a cherry on top He beautifully draws us closer to Him!
7059 days was my oldest brother, Sean’s, earthly number. This is a number that I have repeated in my head often since I was fifteen years old. It doesn’t sound like a lot of days, does it? It was a short 19 years. He had 7059 days on this earth to live here and he lived those days well. He spent his days wisely for the time he had. I try to continuously live my days with his number in mind. Sean’s birthday is April 21,1978 and his death day was August 18,1997. Just like you and I, God formed Sean in the womb and he was “fearfully and wonderfully made.” To the doctors they saw a premature baby that probably wouldn’t have a number count more than a few days, but to God He saw many more. By keeping this in mind that 7059 number looks pretty big compared to the number the doctors that took care of Sean in the beginning of his earthly days could see. We aren’t supposed to see it all and in that freedom of not understanding lies great beauty and power at the hands of our Father in heaven.
When the days of motherhood feel long, I repeat 7059 in my head. When a car cuts me off in traffic, I repeat 7059 in my head and when I am feeling the cycle of grief pass over me and through me again and again, I repeat 7059 to myself. These days may sound like just a number to some, but this number represents a number of days that was a journey full of love, peace, faith, pain and hope for our family. Sean’s life and death has taken me to my knees in prayer more times than I can count. His life and death have both reminded me the importance to keep in step with God’s Holy Spirit that lives within me and has guided my now days for my eternal days to come.
Sean is four years older than me and two years older than my other brother, Corey. Our childhood days were full of love, laughter and fun until the days shifted abruptly to the realness of pain and grief. Sean had his first open heart surgery when he was 17. It all felt a bit out of control at the time, but it lead our family into complete surrender trusting God had the plan and lead us all into wholehearted connection with God. When our circumstances got shaky with unknowns, God held us firm on the foundation of His love, never abandoning us. When the fear of what-ifs kept us up at night, God helped us focus and flip the what -ifs into even-ifs. Our circumstances didn’t change God, nor did it waver our faith in God.
Sean lived a completely normal and healthy life until he was 17 years old. It was something that none of us saw coming because he was the sight of health, but his heart was slowly failing and only God knew it. He went through surgery and recovered with time. Those months of rest and recovery that forced all of us to slow down and be in the moments of what really matters most, were some of the best times that our family shared while bonding over classic movies. We had three very different movies that we had on repeat through the recovery process that we all took part in. Hoosiers, an intense and inspiring basketball story that left us in tears. The Nutty Professor, a funny movie that made us all laugh while catching our attention that beauty and size isn’t whats important, but it’s about whats inside that matters most and Dumb and Dumber to remind us how not to act, to always be aware of our surroundings, that friendships and decisions we make matter and that laughter is good medicine for our soul.
Most importantly as we all recovered, we held onto God’s promises and knew Sean’s recovery was crucial for his earthly future. We knew God was and still is fully in control and there was nothing humanly possible that could change the number He had set for Sean since the beginning. That time while we lived in and through it felt like a tough go, but in reality it was just the beginning of the tough to come. As Sean physically appeared to recover, God was preparing our hearts for the time that only He knew was coming straight at us and nothing could stop it. The last two years of his numbered days were spent getting stronger mentally, physically and spiritually. Sean changed lives in those two more years he had left on earth. From expected to live just a few days, to getting a good two more years after his first heart surgery, God was working in Sean and knew His plan stood firm even when we saw progress as he physically appeared to be healing. God gave us the gift of time to have with Sean before He brought him to his eternal home.
So yes those 7059 days may sound short, but with a different view and perspective through processing his life and death and grieving through this cycle for the past 27 years now, for what feels like most of my life, I have come to understand the magnitude of what a day holds. The impact of a simple smile, a kind hello or a conversation with someone, could be most impactful when their number, or our own number, could be right around the corner. We have time today right where we are, to love people well and to serve others when the broken world around us continues to let us down time and time again. So as our numbered days continue to go by with God in control of them we can release the control we think we have and make the best of the days we have here in helping lead people to the only One that can transform hearts, that has defeated death on the cross and that makes all things new in His perfect timing.
Sean recovered from the first surgery and was able to complete a dream of his by getting back on the basketball court for his senior year. That was a big goal for him and he did it, with no setbacks. His heart was repaired for a few more numbered days and he was able to play basketball his last few years he had on this earth. If we could ask him now about those last few numbered days he was given, I don’t believe he would change a thing. It was like he knew what was coming. He lived in such a way that it felt like he knew his earthly battle was closing soon. He lived his life to the fullest all his 19 years, but especially those last two years God gave him after his first heart surgery. Though his heart was unable to be physically healed by earthly physicians, something far better was happening within His soul lead by the Great Physician and wonderful Healer, Jesus Christ.
“He Himself took our infirmities and bore our sicknesses.” Matthew 8:17
“And with His stripes we are healed.” Isaiah 53.5
Just as it felt like Sean was fully physically recovered, out of nowhere Sean’s heart was failing again and after a routine checkup just days before his 7059 days were up, the surgeons prepared to open his chest back up to replace his aortic valve again. Prayers were prayed. I love yous were said and heard. Unknowingly for us and all knowing for God, Sean went to sleep peacefully in the operating room and never woke again this side of heaven. His 7059 days were up and his life and death changed all the lives that were blessed to know him. From that day on, I promised God that I would continue to make Him known. In the darkest days of our lives, God was ever-present and instead of seeing through the lens of only 7059 days I stand in awe and gratitude for the 7059 days my parents had with Sean. It was from this day on that my earthly perspective took a hard shift into living somewhere between heaven and earth with a deeper understanding and a wider lens that made room for the eternal perspective I think we all are created to see through. He has drawn me and others closer and closer to Him through the joy of celebrating those 7059 days and has made my days be hope-filled and Spirit-lead.
Although nothing made sense through the dark days that lead into even darker nights. As Sean’s numbered days came to a staggering halt, our numbers were set on pause for a bit. We were still physically alive, but the first stages of grief had us standing still, slowly sinking and feeling completely undone by the unimaginable we were walking through. While we saw death, God saw eternity. While we saw unanswered prayers, God saw transformed hearts. While we walked in the first stages of grief, God remained in control. He is the same God that promised to stay close to the brokenhearted. The same God that healed the blind. The same God that provides food for the thousands. The same God that brought His people out of Egypt, the same God that healed all of us by the wounds and the same God that resurrected Jesus from the dead.
Even when the numbers we have planned do not line up with the numbers God has for us, we can trust His plan is best. Everyday is a gift and today as I celebrate the gift of Sean’s birthday, I will celebrate the 7059 days that God allowed him to live when the doctors on his first birthday said he wouldn’t make it. I can stand firm on God’s grace and love, filled with gratitude for Sean’s earthly life because I know what once was, was His plan and what is now is still His plan.
“The Lord Himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.”
Deuteronomy 31:8-9
Sean’s 7059 days here on earth changed lives. He had a purpose and by God’s power through Sean, he accomplished what he was created to do. Human nature sneaks in sometimes with the thought of what could have been, but wasn’t on earth and the wishes for what was to come but didn’t, just yet. God knows all things, and sees all things best and as much as it felt like an unanswered prayer at the time, after years of healing through serving others and loving all the moments through the good and the bad I know within my soul, the prayers we prayed over Sean’s life were answered and what appeared to many of us as a no was actually a yes to healing and yes to just the beginning of forever for Sean in the presence of our Lord and Savior.
Happy Birthday and Cheers big brother to 7059 days here on earth and an even bigger cheers to eternity in heaven!
